In the raw...

The challenge: One month of a fresh diet. Fresh fruit, veggies, and nuts. The only way I will cook anything is by steaming it. The only additives I can us are spices (mrs. dash, pepper, etc) and salad dressing (in moderation)

The intended result: a cleansed body and hopefully some pounds lost.

Why? I have been feeling really gross lately. My body does not feel healthy. It feels like it is run down and full of crap all the time. I want to feel more natural... Does that make sense? Also, I want to eat healthier, and make smarter food choices and I feel this is a great way to get on the right foot. I want to enjoy the beautiful bountiful harvest that comes from this earth. Okay, so that is a little hippie sounding. But really, I just want to create a better me. Something I can be proud of when I look at myself, and something that is doing all I can to prolong my life.

So here goes nothing... I will be documenting everything I eat for the next month as well as weight loss and generally how I feel. Do I have more energy, am I hungry more often, what general effect is this having on my life?

Day 1
Breakfast: Banana, small cup of raw almonds, acai juice ( 8 ounces)

I'll hit ya with the rest later :)

Feeling good

Keeping busy is good. It stops me from thinking about eating so much and keeps me focused on moving my body. Today we cleaned the gutters, and then I spent the rest of the afternoon weeding the front area and going for a walk. The front and side of the house are looking much better and I am feeling good. Hopefully I burned off the calories I gained eating at the Amana Colonies. We decided against the brunch buffet and ordered off the menu though-so that makes it better than it could have been. The Amanas were really cool. In all my years of life in Iowa, I had never been there. We didn't really go to alot of the buildings, cause this was a quick trip and we wanted to save some excitement for a later time. But, the toy store was AWESOME! And made me wish my nieces were just a few years older so I could have bought them some seriously cool toys.

This weekend a really good friend of mine came to visit me. She and I met when we traveled abroad to London together. It was so great to see her and spend time with her and her boyfriend. We had the best dinner at the inlaw's house too. I have the best inlaws. I really do. I have been so, so blessed. The night was full of lots of laughter and good times had by everyone. A major success.

I love summer. Hoping for more days like today to keep my busy and feeling good.

Takin' it to the pavement

Today my husband showed me how much he loved me. He does it everyday, but today he really did it. When I was crying about how I had so much ambition but no motivation he grabbed my hand and took me to the door. Stepped outside and said "now which way do you want to go? You see how easy it was to walk out that door?" And it was. It was so easy. So I did it. I walked- first the dogs with Tom and then by myself with the Ipod. And it felt so good. Something so easy. I just needed to take the first step.

I have felt so useless and horrible lately. So depressed. I don't want to get out of bed most days, and stepping outside seemed like the hugest challenge. I am not working for a month in between jobs, we are having a really hard time conceiving a child, and I am just feeling useless. Without purpose. I sit at home all day and just dwell on things. Money, infertility, family issues. Everything. I needed an escape to just chill and relax. The walking did that. And it felt really good. I'm going to make a promise to myself to do it everyday now. I need that time for me. To just jam out to the Ipod and not think about anything. What a blessing.

Back at the beginning.

I gained it back. Like I always do. It is so sad and so disappointing. It is time to take control. I want to stop being an emotional eater/drinker/smoker and start taking accountability for my own actions. I want to have children and be healthy for them. So today I went to HyVee and got a nice selection of very healthy foods. I want to feel good. Be proud of myself for once. I need to find the source deep inside me to lose this weight. I want to live to be old! To experience life- the good, the bad, and everything in between. It is time.

Goal Weight #1 met!

YAAAAYYY! I am so happy I nearly cried telling my husband this morning that I had met my first goal weight. It is an amazing thing to accomplish and I am so proud of myself. But, I also know that I am only in the beginning stages of the battle and have a loooonnnnggg way to go before my ultimate goal of 180. (which will be re-evaluated once I get to that weight depending on my health and appearance at that weight, but it is a starting point ultimate goal- cause I have no idea what it will even look like!) But, am that much closer. And the battle doesn't seem so huge considering i have lost over ten pounds since the beginning of this month and close to 25 since I left Mankato. I'm tempted to try on an old pair of size 17/18 maurices jeans... but I think it might be a little soon for that. The end of next month I will try.

So, I am rewarding myself for this weight loss- not by eating something really bad for me (which is really flipping tempting-Hello Buffalo Wild Wings!), but by spending this fab. fall day with my little family. Tom and I are going to go to the Apple Orchard! Gonna pick out some pumpkins and some apples and enjoy the fall. Then, we are headed to City High's 70th b-day celebration so Tom can mingle with old teachers and hopefully maybe even talk one into letting him come volunteer for awhile so he can get those volunteer hours for his teaching program. I am so proud of that man- he has been plugging away on his thesis, doing well in his classes, working major overtime and bringing in major bank to help us pay down our dept and even make a hefty investment in savings. Life is good. I am blessed. What a beautiful day!!!

Intake: not determined for the day- but lunch will be fish and french fries and peas (fish and chips! yay!)

Weight: 237.8 :)

Next goal 230 pounds by Oct. 31st

lawn mowers kick my ass

So, today I decided to mow the front yard. Usually, I mow the back and my wonderful hubby mows the front for me. He always says how thick the grass is, and I banter with him and call him a pussy. I found one thing out today- he ain't lyin'! That grass is thick. We just have a push mower- no, not a gas powered one, one of the old school rotating blade ones. Trying to "go green" and all. Big mistake. Needless to say, it was a great workout. But, I had to quit on the other side of the driveway cause I couldn't even move the thing. Think it may be time to invest in a power one before next season. My back hurts!

Today's intake:
100 calorie snack- 100
turkey hotdog-100
salad w/ dressing- 80
mac n'cheese 380
tuna- 70
taco bell (two fresco thingies) 510
fiber one bar- 170
pretzels- 110

total= 1520 Not bad!

Wt. 241.8 (stayed the same- sort of bummed since this is the first day I haven't lost anything :( at least I didn't gain though)

So I saw a girl today at hyvee buy nothing but crystal light water mix ins, diet pills, and 7 packages of stimulant laxatives. WOW. Think she needs help, like now.

Got myself an appt. to see the lady doc next month. Woo HOo! (can you sense the sarcasm?) Hopefully she will tell me that I just need to lose 50 more pounds and take some super fertility drugs and we will be Tom and Ali plus 9 :) (minus the whole divorce part) But hopefully by that point I will be down a total of 15-20 pounds and maybe my body will start ovulating all by itself! Wouldn't that just be fantastic! I want a baby in my belly for christmas! :) It will happen when it is meant to, I just have to trust!

smell of wine and cheap perfume

Youtube glee and watch them perform awesome songs. Do it! Like, now!

Good day today. Long day at work though, so this girl is going to take the dogs out one last time and hit the hay.

food:
cereal with milk- 280
salad with sliced turkey and low fat dressing- 125
100 cal snack bag- 100
fruit snacks- 90
soup-120
small bag fritos- 160
more cereal with milk- 300
apple-free

total= 1175

NICE!

Weight- 241.8