Yeah, I have the cutest dog ever... ;)
So, I have more energy now than I have had in years. It is very strange. I can go all day and not get tired. I can work and work outside or inside for hours and not get tired. I don't know where it is coming from. I love it.... but I don't get it.
Tom and I got in a fight over something sort of related to this last night. I am just so full of energy that I want to keep going and doing things and getting stuff done. When he is here he wants to sit and watch a movie or just sit and be together. I can't do that right now. I can't sit still. I need to be going and going. I think it is starting to drive him nuts. I am just so driven by ambition to get everything in the house done that needs to be and to get everything outside perfect that I have been neglecting our relationship. It feels like it is really starting to suffer. Like we never get to do anything together anymore because there is just so much stuff that needs done.
Like tonight. We were going to go swimming together, then went outside only to find that the flipping japanese beetles that had been infecting our garden have now overtaken our grapevines. So, I freaked out and decided that I needed to trim the grapevines back right that instant. And I proceded to continue to do so for a good two hours. He just doesn't understand it. I am so proud of this house. OUR first house. I want it to be perfect. I want to take good care of everything in it and around it. I hate it when there are dirty dishes left in the sink or kleenexes not picked up or little things left around all over. So I go and go and get everything cleaned up, picked up, put away, and taken care of. And then it is time for him to go to work.
I need to find a balance. I need to learn that not everything needs to be done at that instant or I think our relationship will continue to go downhill. I feel like I am turning into my grandpa. He is busy all day doing stuff inside and outside the house, and my grandma gets upset with him sometimes because he feels he needs to do all this stuff. He doesn't really like to go anywhere or take time away from the house because of this. At the same time I wonder why I have to change. Why can't he just learn to enjoy doing things around the house with me instead of complaining about me doing it? It is frustrating. Marriage can be frustrating. It is so rewarding, but hard sometimes. I know we have the love to make it through... it just sucks to be butting heads all the time lately, especially when we don't see each other all that often.
More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. ~Doug Larson
Amen...
ReplyDeleteI have a story that might make you feel a little bit better...
After I worked all day, came home and did Ben's laundry, made Ben's supper, tended to the animals, scrubbed the bathroom, and continued to work on gutting, rearranging and cleaning this tiny ass apartment like I have been for 3 weeks now ... including filing all of Ben's important information that he is incapable of keeping track of himself (ie social security card and passport under a pile of crap on a bookshelf, tax information on the floor behind the desk, etc)in individualized ziploc baggies, reorganizing the closets to make room for Ben's 7 tool boxes that he insists he needs in the apartment and not in the storage office because he might "need them soon" and is apparently incapable of walking 10 feet down the hall, shredding the 6 months' worth of old bills that he leaves laying on the table and never looks at because he pays all of his bills online and you know ... lacks the energy to dispose of them himself ...
I find myself glaring at him sitting there on the fouton watching "OPERATION REPO", not having lifted a finger (or even offering to) with extreme contempt as I am sweating my ass off hauling heavy boxes back and forth.
THEN, the icing on the cake ... he waltzes out into the kitchen and notices the Netflix laying on the table where I have cleared things away ... and ...
"What the fuck? I thought I told you to send these back today! Can't you do ANYTHING around here?!"
Then he prances off into the bedroom, slams the door, pouts and promptly passes out.
(leaving his dirty bowl, empty can of Pringles, and half-drunk can of Busch on the coffee table)
I think it may have been around 8 p.m.
Welcome to the Irony of Wifehood!
LOL most of the time we are happy but when I work my ass off all day and come home and cater to his every whim and he has the audacity to yell at me, pout, and slam a door because I forgot to drop off the Netflix, I am amazed by the utter douchebaggery of the man that I willingly married ... twice.
All men are to some degree gross, lazy, and ignorant. We have to realize and accept this - I don't think they can change. I never minded being messy when I was on my own, but for some reason it really bothers me now. When I think about how much I've changed to become a "wife" it's really disturbing. I don't think Ben has changed ... but he can see that I have changed and he complains about it (ie - I'm not as fun, I don't want as much sex, I want to spend Saturdays cleaning insead of going to a movie, etc)but then again I'm sure he'd complain even more if he had to go to work naked because no one filled his drawers with clean clothes. So I think it's kind of a "wife disease" that we all eventually grow into ... lol suddenly you're contributing to every stereotype you swore up and down you never would!
That's why we just suck it up because we love them and thank God for sensible creatures, like dogs!