Feeling good

Keeping busy is good. It stops me from thinking about eating so much and keeps me focused on moving my body. Today we cleaned the gutters, and then I spent the rest of the afternoon weeding the front area and going for a walk. The front and side of the house are looking much better and I am feeling good. Hopefully I burned off the calories I gained eating at the Amana Colonies. We decided against the brunch buffet and ordered off the menu though-so that makes it better than it could have been. The Amanas were really cool. In all my years of life in Iowa, I had never been there. We didn't really go to alot of the buildings, cause this was a quick trip and we wanted to save some excitement for a later time. But, the toy store was AWESOME! And made me wish my nieces were just a few years older so I could have bought them some seriously cool toys.

This weekend a really good friend of mine came to visit me. She and I met when we traveled abroad to London together. It was so great to see her and spend time with her and her boyfriend. We had the best dinner at the inlaw's house too. I have the best inlaws. I really do. I have been so, so blessed. The night was full of lots of laughter and good times had by everyone. A major success.

I love summer. Hoping for more days like today to keep my busy and feeling good.

Takin' it to the pavement

Today my husband showed me how much he loved me. He does it everyday, but today he really did it. When I was crying about how I had so much ambition but no motivation he grabbed my hand and took me to the door. Stepped outside and said "now which way do you want to go? You see how easy it was to walk out that door?" And it was. It was so easy. So I did it. I walked- first the dogs with Tom and then by myself with the Ipod. And it felt so good. Something so easy. I just needed to take the first step.

I have felt so useless and horrible lately. So depressed. I don't want to get out of bed most days, and stepping outside seemed like the hugest challenge. I am not working for a month in between jobs, we are having a really hard time conceiving a child, and I am just feeling useless. Without purpose. I sit at home all day and just dwell on things. Money, infertility, family issues. Everything. I needed an escape to just chill and relax. The walking did that. And it felt really good. I'm going to make a promise to myself to do it everyday now. I need that time for me. To just jam out to the Ipod and not think about anything. What a blessing.

Back at the beginning.

I gained it back. Like I always do. It is so sad and so disappointing. It is time to take control. I want to stop being an emotional eater/drinker/smoker and start taking accountability for my own actions. I want to have children and be healthy for them. So today I went to HyVee and got a nice selection of very healthy foods. I want to feel good. Be proud of myself for once. I need to find the source deep inside me to lose this weight. I want to live to be old! To experience life- the good, the bad, and everything in between. It is time.