The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

Decisions. They are so hard to make. Well, now they are. Sometimes they are easy. Sometimes I rush into things far too fast for my own good, and that isn't good either. I need to decide what to do with my life. This doesn't have to be a forever career, but it does have to be one that I want to do for the next ten or more years. Lately I've been thinking about teaching. It is scary though, because I am so afraid that after I go through all that schooling there won't be a job in the area for me. I could always substitute. That wouldn't be bad at all. I just need to grab life by the non existant balls and run for it. I need to decide what is best for me, and for my little family unit.

What subject? What age group? That is the next query I have. Science or art. Science seems much more stable since so many schools are cutting budgets and along with that cutting the arts. Science is pretty safe. And is so interesting! You never stop learning about science. I loved it in High School. I thought about going into genetics for awhile, but decided on nursing instead. How do you know when you made the right decision? I love creativity. That is why I love art so much. The way it makes me feel inside. Content for a moment as I am painting something. I want to pray about this, but I don't know how to interpret what God is telling me to do.

Does that make sense? I talk to God but I don't understand what he is saying back. I wish there was a clear answer and obvious suggestions coming from Him. All I have is me taking. It makes me feel good. I feel something different when I talk to Him. Something I can't describe, but I know it is different than talking to a friend, family, or even my husband. I feel like I bother Him with these things. Like God has so many better things to do than listen to me trying to figure out my future, yet again. Does that make sense? Does any of this make sense?

Tom is going to teach social studies. He has a definate goal and knows exactly what he wants to do. I wish I had that desire. I toss so many different things around but nothing sticks. Obviously Interior Design wasn't the right thing for me. I knew that long before I was done with the program, but didn't want to quit something else before I was finished, so I kept on with it. Where did that get me? Knowhere. I just might as well have saved my money and quit. That's why I don't want to jump into this without really thinking about it first. I don't want to make another mistake with my life.... especially one that costs thousands of dollars to accomplish.

Boo. This is so hard to figure out.

Onto another subject, I am trying a new church tomorrow. I need to find a church home where I belong, where I feel welcome. Where I can get to meet new people and friends and have another support system. I want to find one where the joy is outstanding! One that you can feel it as soon as you walk in... these are people that love worshiping and love the Lord they worship. That is another leg of my quest- find a church. No better time to start that then now. An old friend of mine from Middle School invited me to come to her church. I admire her faith and see how she radiates joy and love- so I am giving her church a try.

I'm a person that likes to sing and clap and be joyful in worship. Tom was raised Catholic, and he doesn't understand that so we have a hard time finding a church we can go to together. I would love to find one that works for us together... but I honestly don't know if that will happen when what we want out of a service is so different from one another. The singing makes him uncomfortable... and I understand that. But that is how I feel I worship the best and get the most connected to God. We might just have to go to seperate churches. Other couples do it and make it work. We'll see what the future holds.

I made banana bread today. It looks really good, so I sure hope it tastes as good as it smells. I'm holding out hope.

Gosh darn it, today has been a pretty good day :)