Sometimes all it takes is an apology.
Knowing you are understood, even a little and to hear that someone who hurt you is sorry for what happened. It means so much to me to have finally heard that. The weight was lifted from my chest and it feels so good to know that.... and to feel it is true.
I will never know why the things have happened in my life the way they have. I can only have faith that there is a reason for all the madness. The pain will make me stronger and the happiness will give me the strength to keep going and see what all is in store for me. All I can do is know that I am who I am because of what has happened to me. I've been through some tough shit. We all have. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and start living my life. I have made it through so much, I deserve happiness. I deserve it. For the first time I am starting to see that. I'm not meant to be on this earth to waste time being sad and angry for things I have no control over. I will prevail. God doesn't want me to be sad. He wants me to live and love and be happy. It is time to do that. I've always thought I didn't deserve love and happiness because I didn't come from love. Today I learned I did. It might not have been the fairytale kind dreams are made of, but it was love. True and pure.
I am so, so blessed with so much love in my life. It has taken me so long to realize this and be grateful for this, how sad is that. I have found my one true love is this whole world. I pushed him away in the past when I felt scared. I didn't want to lose someone I love ever again, so I pushed. I am so lucky and so blessed that he stayed. I never want to put him through that again. I want him to know that I love him so, so much. He is my soul mate and it amazes me how we know each other so entirely after only two and a half years of knowing one another. He is the most amazing gift God has ever given me. I am so blessed. I am so loved. That is amazing.
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